Let’s face it — 2020 has been quite the year so far!
It’s definitely been a character builder so far, and for all intents and purposes, it looks like it will continue on that path.
I came across this TEDx/Charlotte talk that I wanted to share with you on how to stay resilient through life’s most challenging times.
Hope you find meaning and purpose in it.
“It’s your reaction to adversity not adversity itself that determines how you life’s story will develop” —— Dieter F. Uchtdorf
We can’t always control our situation, but we always have a choice in how we respond to it.
I read this piece yesterday and wanted to share it with you.
Child – “How old are you, Grandpa?”
Grandpa – “I’m 81, dear.”
Child – “So does that mean you were alive during the Coronavirus?”
Grandpa – “Yes, I was.”
Child – “Wow. That must have been horrible, Grandpa. We were learning about that at school this week.
They told us about how all the schools had closed. And moms and dads couldn’t go to work so they didn’t have as much money to do nice things.
They said that you weren’t allowed to go and visit your friends and family and couldn’t go out anywhere.
They told us that the shops and stores ran out of lots of things so you didn’t have much bread, flour and toilet paper rolls.
They said that summer holidays were cancelled. And they told us about all those thousands of people that got very sick and who died.
They explained how hard all the doctors, nurses and all essential workers worked and that lots of them died, too.
That must have been so horrible, Grandpa!”
Grandpa – “Well, that is all correct. And I know that because I read about it when I was older.
But to tell you the truth, I remember it differently…
I remember playing in the garden for hours with mom and dad and having picnics outside and lots of bbqs.
I remember making things and fishing with my dad and baking with my mom. I remember making forts and learning how to do hand stands and back flips. I remember having quality time with my family.
I remember Mom’s favorite words becoming, ‘Hey, I’ve got an idea…’
Rather than, ‘Maybe later or tomorrow. I’m a bit busy.’
I remember making our own bread and pastry. I remember having movie night three or four times a week instead of just one.
It was a horrible time for lots of people. You are right.
But I remember it differently.”
Remember how our children will remember these times.
Be in control of the memories they are creating right now, so that through all the awful headlines and emotional stories for so many that they will come to read in future years, they can remember the happy times.
— Author unknown
Stay safe, be well and make special memories with your loved ones.
As COVID-19 is raging around the world, I am taking this time and using this platform to share uplifting and encouraging posts to help us all deal with and heal from the virus, fear and negativity that is spreading rampantly.
Pandemic
What if you thought of it as the Jews consider the Sabbath— the most sacred of times? Cease from travel, Cease from buying and selling. Give up, just for now, on trying to make the world different than it is. Sing. Pray. Touch only those to whom you commit your life. Center down.
And when your body has become still, reach out with your heart. Know that we are connected in ways that are terrifying and beautiful. (You could hardly deny it now.) Know that our lives are in one another’s hands. Reach out your heart. Reach out your words. Reach out all the tendrils of compassion that move, invisibly, where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love– for better or worse, in sickness and in health, so long as we all shall live.
— Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
Why do some individuals feel that they have a right and an obligation to tell you exactly what’s on their mind where your life is concerned?
It’s one thing if you ask for their opinion…
However, more often than not, pearls of wisdom are frequently provided without any prompting, interest or desire from the receiver.
If you are reading this and have been fortunate to have never experienced an abusive relationship or nasty divorce, I’ll try to describe my situation relating it to something more positive, happy and life-affirming.
For explanation purposes only, I’m going to juxtapose my life after divorce to being pregnant.
*Obviously, the two are as opposite as can be…until you go into labor, then that’s another story…
If you’ve ever been in the “family way” you might be able relate to what I’m about to share:
While expecting and clearly showing, family, friends, co-workers and complete strangers feel that your expanding belly is public property. As if being pulled by a powerful magnetic attraction, their hands are immediately drawn to your tummy where, for some unknown reason, they feel the overwhelming need to begin rubbing it (like doing so will make a genie suddenly appear and grant them their three most desirable wishes), make predictions about the sex of your child based on whether you are carrying high or low and offer unsolicited advice on how to deliver the baby and raise it to become the next Nobel Laureate.
Like, had they not done that, you would have been completely clueless and absolutely dumbfounded as to how to proceed.
Honestly, what’s up with people?
After my divorce was final, it seemed like the floodgates opened up. Everyone and their brother shared their thoughts, opinions and misgivings with me about how I handled my life up till that point and what I should be doing going forward… so I could avoid becoming a complete f*ck%p a second time.
I assume they meant well…
However, obviously unbeknownst to them, I was already quite miserable on my own and I didn’t need any help making myself feel any worse than I already did.
Thank you very much!
Stay tuned…I’ll be sharing highlights from some of these discussions in my upcoming posts.
Looking back, probably the most memorable and profound experience from out trip to Puerto Rico revolved around a kayaking trip we took around the Bio Bay in a nature reserve in Fajardo.
For those of you not familiar with bioluminescence (I certainly had no clue what this was prior to our excursion) in certain bodies of water, tiny organisms make the water glow at night. Sparkles and shimmers of light are produced when the water is stirred.
It sounded so magical to me…almost like being part of a Disney movie!
I couldn’t wait to be a part of this world!
Neither one of my kids nor I had ever kayaked prior to this outing.
On land, before our group set out through the narrow channel surrounded by mangrove trees to the horseshoe-shaped bio bay, our leader gave us a brief introduction on how to paddle, turn in the water and stop. Sounded easy enough! He informed us that there would be a guide at the front, middle and back in case anyone needed assistance.
He instructed us to chose a partner if we wanted to go in a tandem kayak. Josh surveyed the group, looked us over and declared that he didn’t want to be with either one of us and chose a single-person canoe. I wasn’t exactly sure how to react to that! What was his point exactly??? Ashley and I paired up. The more experienced person was supposed to sit in the rear, I figured that since Ashley was younger and stronger, she should assume that position.
Before we all entered the water, our guide said that there could be some pretty intense arguing among those who chose to ride together.
What the heck did that mean???
It wasn’t long before I found out!
Thank goodness we chose the early jaunt, which meant that we set out while it was still daylight.
As others smoothly and swiftly glided past us, Ashley and I quickly developed difficulties. Being in the front, I couldn’t see what she was doing. When I tried to turn or stop, she kept paddling. We kept crashing into the mangrove trees. Countless times we had to be rescued by one of the guides and navigated out into the water. Fortunately for us, it was light out and we were able to duck our heads before being decapitated by the trees.
At one point, we kayaked past an older couple. The woman was in the anterior of their vessel doing all the work, while her male companion sat in the back, with his oar up, relaxing and taking pictures. Since I was newly divorced and still reeling over all that Dick had put me through, I took great offense to what I saw and developed an intense dislike for this gentleman. Fortunately for all involved, I kept my feelings to myself, my mouth shut, and kept paddling forward.
After what seemed like an eternity, we made it to the lagoon. By that time, it was pitch black outside. Aside from the stars and the moon, the only other visible illuminations came from the small red, flashing lights located at the front of each kayak. We all lined up next to each other in the middle of this body of water. Our guide told us to place our paddles or our hands in the water to create a swirl of light. At last, the moment I had been waiting for! Ashley, who was a nervous wreck by that point, insisted that we not “rock the boat,” and freaked out every time I tried to create sparkles. So much for my Disney fantasy!
Finally it was time to head back. Slowly we followed the other kayaks out of the lagoon. We were told that we were going against the current, so it would be a little harder paddling back. With this information and being totally dark and unable to see anything around us except for the occasional blinking flash of light from the other vessels, I quickly became disoriented and panicked. Ashley, on the other hand, was a veteran, as she had been in this state for a few hours already.
At one point, she said we were going the wrong way…which was impossible because there was only one way out. For some reason that I still can’t figure out, I listened to her and we started heading back in the direction we just came from. While shaking profusely but trying to appear calm for her sake, I serenely called out, “Yoo Hoo, we need some help. Can someone turn on a light? Is anyone there?” No answer! Where were the guides when you needed them? Or for that matter, where were the others from our group? Realizing that we were heading back into the lagoon instead of back to land, we managed to turn ourselves around and venture back in the right direction. With our emotions running high, an argument was on the verge of erupting. I was beginning to understand what our escort was talking about when we set off on this adventure.
Ashley was still fighting me every step of the way. At one point, our paddles got tangled together. As I tried to disengage mine from hers, we heard a thump. Ashley told me that I hit someone in the head. I didn’t think so, but a voice appeared out of nowhere and said that indeed he was hit in the head, but he was fine. I held everything back from telling Ashley that if she didn’t get a grip, she was going to be next.
We needed a plan and I had to take charge. I told her that when I wanted her to paddle left, I would call out LEFT and when I wanted her to paddle right, I would call out RIGHT. We also made a pact that one of us had to remain calm while the other was allowed to freak out. Both of us couldn’t go bananas at the same time.
That is how we continued on…me yelling out RIGHT, RIGHT, LEFT, LEFT, etc. working in unison, until we finally saw light flickering in the distance and realized that we were nearing the shore.
Once we were safely back on land, we reunited with Josh. As much as he was convinced otherwise, we weren’t the last ones back. Nor were we the ones who got lost and needed rescuing. And it wasn’t us who he had passed who were having a “heated discussion” along the way.
He even proclaimed that when the time would come for him to get engaged, he would bring his soon-to-be- fiancé here so they could see how they would handle difficulties together. Giving him an incredulous look, I said to him, “You were by yourself. What do you know about teamwork?”
In many ways, I came to view our experience as a metaphor for handling life.
There were going to be trying moments. Scary moments. Times when emotions would run high. Times when darkness, turmoil and fear would be the norm and seem everlasting.
But if we have a plan, stay focused, work together, find the humor in the situation and not all freak out simultaneously, eventually the darkness will give way to light.
It’s a new day
It’s a new year
It’s a new decade
It’s a new beginning
Release all of the pain and negativity holding you down
Dream new dreams
Envision a bright, wonderful and successful future
Start making this your daily practice!
Wishing you all a happy, healthy, peaceful, prosperous year filled with friends, family, love and laughter and whatever you wish for yourselves!
During this festive time of year, may you find happiness, peace and positivity in and around you.
May you be blessed with more and more beautiful moments in the coming year.
Happy Holidays!
Some words of wisdom to share on Thanksgiving…
Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out — John Wooden
In life, one has a choice to take one of two paths: to wait for some special day-or to celebrate each special day. — Rasheed Ogunlaru
I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. — Henry David Thoreau
Time sure has a way of slipping by…
How is it possible that exactly one year ago today I wrote my last post?
I had the best of intentions to continue writing on a regular basis about my journey from surviving in an abusive marriage, through my harrowing divorce process to what it’s like now to be a single, middle-aged woman trying to maneuver life with all of its twists and turns, ups and downs and positives and negatives that arise on a daily basis.
Then, not so surprisingly, life — with all of its twists and turns, ups and downs and positives and negatives — took up all of my time. The days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into an entire year that I hadn’t written a single word about my experiences or shared any words of wisdom that I gleaned along the way.
Many times I contemplated discontinuing writing this blog.
What was the point of keeping this up after so much time had passed?
I lost my momentum, purpose and drive to continue this undertaking.
On top of that, I rationalized that no one was reading my musings anyway.
Then, just as I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits, something interesting and unexpected happened.
A few weeks ago, I got an email notifying me that a few people liked my post from last year!
Really??? From last year???
That was amazing! I had no idea how they even found my blog!
I became excited, grateful and inspired to come out of hibernation.
It got me thinking…
Sometimes we just need a break… a breather to get renewed, energized and focused… to make a fresh start.
It’s time to bring this tale back to life.
Stay tuned…
The plans were all coming together. The date that Ashley and I had scheduled to leave for Puerto Rico was drawing near.
To say that my feelings about going on this trip were mixed, was a gross understatement.
While only positive, happy, and optimistic thoughts about our upcoming adventure should have been occupying my brain, my mind decided that conjuring up every “worse-case scenario” that it could possibly visualize would somehow enhance the experience.
I was scaring the living daylights out of myself. Countless times I considered canceling the trip, because that seemed like the only safe and logical option.
After all my kids and I endured over the past several years, why would I want to tempt fate and set ourselves up for the myriad of calamities that might await us if we went ahead with the plans? And heaven only knows that I could name several of them!
Innumerable times I had to give myself a mental smack down.
Cut it out already!!! Enough with all of the doom and gloom. This is your opportunity to celebrate all that you’ve overcome. Have fun with your children. I know it’s a new and strange concept. Give it a try. For crying out loud, start living and enjoying life!!! Put the past in the past. Create new and happier memories for yourself and your kids.
I knew that if I chickened out and canceled the trip, the results would have been devastating. Not only would I have let my kids down, going forward, they would only see me as a total fraud…all talk and no action. Why should they ever believe or trust anything that I would say?
Sure, I tried to keep up a brave, positive demeanor for their benefit while I was going through the divorce.
Truthfully, it was a total act.
The reality was, I was a terrified, hopeless, depressed, angry mess. However, unless I walked the walk and talked the talk, everything I had suffered through, stood up for, and fought through would have been hypocritical b*llsh*t.
My kids were watching my every move and depending on me to set the stage for how to move forward after the divorce.
I had to be the example that I wanted them to live by.
It was starting with this trip.
divorcedestroyshumorheals 