Law and (Dis)Order


After I talked to the superintendent at the post office, I called my attorney to report what had happened. He told me to call the police and let them deal with Dick and his shenanigans.

The next morning, as soon as Ashley walked out of the door for school, I dialed the non-emergency phone number for our local sheriff’s office. Not knowing what to expect, and with much trepidation, I told the officer on the other end of the phone about my mail fiasco.

He asked me what I wanted to do about it. What did I want to do about it??? What was that all about?

I realized that this incident wasn’t a life or death situation. And I also knew that this wasn’t a major crime.

*That’s why I called the non-emergency number instead of 911.

But for crying out loud, I didn’t call the police looking for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on or to shoot the breeze about my divorce and the pain in the neck I was unfortunately still married to.

Mail tampering was a federal offense and I was simply following up on the directive given by two respectable sources. I’m sure I wasn’t the first and I definitely wouldn’t be the last to have this happen to. But if this officer wanted my advice on how to proceed, I would have gladly suggested that they arrest Dick and hold him without bond until further notice.

Instead, I said that I wanted to file a police report. We then discussed where this should take place. For several reasons I didn’t want the police showing up at my home. If a squad car pulled up in my driveway, all the yentas in my neighborhood would have been outside in a split second. This wasn’t something I wanted everyone else to know about. Nor did I want to air out my dirty laundry on the street. Also, I didn’t want to take the chance that the police would show up if Dick were still at home. That wouldn’t have been a pleasant scene. So we decided that a safe place to meet would be at the Seven-Eleven located in the strip mall by my house.

I parked my car directly in front of the store and waited for the police to arrive. After about 20 minutes, a squad car finally pulled up next to mine. The officer inside motioned to me and we both got out of our vehicles.

While I understood that this wasn’t an emergency, I thought he would have shown up much quicker than he did.  As I opened the door to exit my auto, I glanced around to make sure that no one I knew was in the vicinity. That would have been totally embarrassing and humiliating. Thankfully, no one looked familiar.

Being the “goody two shoes” that I was, I was anxious about the prospect of speaking with a law official. Within seconds, it became obvious that I had nothing to be nervous about. (Not that I wanted to make a habit of this!)

The first thing the deputy asked me was what I had called for. I wondered to myself, Didn’t he get a head’s up about what this was about or was he just in the neighborhood looking for a convenience store to stop by to grab a quick cup of coffee and a pastry? I certainly didn’t think it should have been a surprise to him. I explained that Dick and I were going through a bitter, ugly, nasty divorce; we were still living in the same house together; he had opened Ashley’s and my mail; he took one of Ashley’s letters without her even seeing the contents of it; and he opened and resealed my credit card bill. Judging by the expression on his face, it was apparent that this man wasn’t the least bit concerned.

I then produced the tampered envelopes. He looked them over briefly and quickly informed me that he had no way of knowing if Dick did that or not. The gentleman then proceeded to tell me that for all he knew, I could have done this myself and blamed my husband. I looked at him with total disbelief and replied that while I understood his point that he didn’t actually witness these occurrences, how was I supposed to prove that this really happened? He told me that even if I called the police while something was going on, unless they were there to witness the event, it was Dick’s word against mine. While I knew he was absolutely correct, I was starting to wonder if there really was any justice in this world…and if there was…when would I start seeing it.

The officer then asked me when I filed for divorce. I told him the date was July 15, 2009. He then proceeded to tell me that I should move out of my house and get a job until my divorce was finalized. (I’ve been discovering that when it came to divorce, just like pregnancy, everyone was an expert and had an opinion on what needed to be done.) I told him that my daughter and I were not leaving the house. It wasn’t an option at that time.

The deputy then told me that he didn’t think this would be the last time his office would be hearing from me. He felt  that as time went on, I would be calling and complaining of other things. Wasn’t he a ray of sunshine?   I loved his optimism! The last thing I wanted to consider while standing outside my neighborhood convenience store was what Dick might be scheming to do to me in the future.

All I could do at that point was take it one day at a time. However the officer’s next suggestion made more sense to me. He told me to go to the post office and get a P.O. Box in Ashley’s and my names. That way, Dick wouldn’t be able to go through our mail. Now that was a recommendation I could live with.

With that, he told me he would write-up a brief one paragraph incident report.

We then parted ways.

Special Delivery


On Sunday, February 28, 2010, it appeared that history was made at our house.

On that particular day, we were probably the only people in the United States to receive mail delivery. More specifically, I was the “chosen one” who was honored in that special way.

Not only did I discover an envelope addressed to me in my mailbox, but it was also opened and left unsealed. You couldn’t have begun to imagine how fortunate and blessed I felt that someone cared so much about me and wanted to make my life, my birthday and my weekend easier by previewing my mail and getting it ready for me.

After all, had my envelope been left alone, I could have received a nasty paper cut (or possibly much worse) when I went to retrieve the contents. Those days one couldn’t have been too careful. You never knew who could have sprinkled a little Antrax inside.

I should have thanked my lucky stars to have been the recipient of such attentive service.

If I were delusional, stupid or incompetent, I might have.

Instead, I was reeling over Dick’s latest shtick. Being my birthday weekend, he was going above and beyond his usual antics. Heavens forbid I should have a few days of peace and enjoy myself without him making my life a living hell.

Opening my mail, reading it and putting it back in the mailbox on a day when there was no mail delivery, was not only mean, irritating, childish and vengeful, it was a crime. Mail tampering was a federal offense. Dick needed to be stopped and finally put in his place.

The next day, Monday, March 1, 2010, there were more postal surprises to deal with. Our mail receptacle was a square wooden box affixed to the inside of our garage wall. An opening outside of the building was where incoming mail was deposited. If we were lucky, all the parcels landed in the box and not all over the garage floor. For the most part, the letters tossed in wound up somewhere in the middle of the bottom of the receptacle.

On that particular day, a few letters were neatly lined up flush against the far surface of the container. If one did not look carefully, they would have easily been missed. Now I can assure you, this was not the work of our friendly neighborhood mail person. The odds of all of those envelopes landing in the formation they were discovered in were probably infinity to one. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, that mail was strategically and methodically placed in that position.

It wouldn’t take too many guesses to figure out who carried out that feat. The question was, What would possess Dick to do something like that? And the appropriate follow-up question to this would have been, Didn’t he have anything better to do with himself?

At times like that, it was hard to believe that Dick was a doctor. You’d think he’d have been concentrating on saving lives (or at least in his case, making sure his patients feet were comfortable) instead of continuously scheming on how to destroy mine. Obviously, his priorities were a little skewed.

When I checked to see what was delivered, I was shocked at what I discovered. A bill from my credit card company was opened and resealed. In addition, a letter from our mediator addressed to me was tampered with and mail addressed to Ashley was already opened as well.

He had taken things way too far.

I called the post office, spoke with a manager and explained to him what I discovered. I didn’t mention that I thought Dick was doing this. While he was my primary suspect, I was only going on the assumption that he was the likely culprit. And the reality was, who else would want to get into my garage and mess with the mail.

I was told to save the envelopes as evidence and call the police to report this as a “suspicious occurrence.”

I was happy to oblige.



Party On…


When it rained, it poured. On occasion, that was a good thing.

My birthday was turning out to be one of my best ones in years.

Another close friend of mine wanted to make me a special dinner, so she invited Ashley and me over for a little soiree on Saturday night.

As it turned out, Ashley was invited to a Sweet 16 party and had to take a pass. As it also turned out, she had to be at her affair at the same time I had to be at my friend’s house.

Like I said…when it rained, it poured.

Since Dick was home, Ashley asked him if he would pick her up at the end of the evening. Before Dick would commit, he expected to know the exact time when he needed to be there. Ashley couldn’t answer that question definitively because the party was going to end whenever everyone was ready to go home. This reply was not good enough for Dick. Being the anal kind of guy that he was, he made Ashley call the hostess to get a better answer. Not surprisingly, the response was still the same. Imagine that! That still wasn’t acceptable to Dick. I couldn’t understand how his brain operated. Somehow, he thought that if he asked the same question enough times, eventually he’d get the answer he wanted to hear.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t his lucky day. Nor was it Ashley’s. Dick told her he was going out and wouldn’t be available to pick her up. Imagine that! Like he didn’t know he had plans before he put Ashley through all that!

So, in the middle of the afternoon, Ashley made frantic calls to all of her friends who were going to the party to try to arrange a carpool. It should have come as no surprise that at that late time, mostly everyone had already made plans. Finally she was able to set up something with one of her friends who was in a debate tournament that afternoon but unfortunately wouldn’t be able to leave her house until 6:00 pm. Coincidentally, that was the time the Sweet 16 was called for and also when I was supposed to be at my friend’s house. Imagine that! However, it was what it was and at least Ashley was able to get a ride home and I could stay at my friend’s house as late as I wanted. And of course, Dick was not inconvenienced at all. I never could figure out how this guy did it. Without fail, he was always able to screw things up for everyone else while not being affected at all.

Nevertheless, we worked things out the best we could. Unfortunately, there was no way the girls were going to make it to the party on time. Also, I had to call my friend and explain why I would be late as I had to pick up Ashley’s friend and drop the girls off at the party. She and her husband were not surprised.

Things were not starting out the way I had hoped. My nerves were completely shot and I was very riled up over the whole situation.

However, once I finally got to my destination, I started to mellow out. The bottle of wine I brought helped out tremendously. My friend, who was a phenomenal cook, prepared an amazing meal. Again, I ate way too much! After dinner, she surprised me with a spectacular birthday present— a beautiful, hot pink purse. I needed a new bag very badly. She realized that and wanted me to have something colorful to cheer me up. She also mentioned that “hot pink” was one of the hottest colors for spring. So not only did I get something that I loved, I was going to be hip, happening and styling too! Then she and her husband sang “Happy Birthday” to me and we devoured the homemade birthday cake and candies she made. Too full to move, the three of us played a word association game.  We laughed the night away. When I looked up at the clock , I was shocked to see that it was 2:00 am. It was hard to believe that the hours flew by so quickly.  I was so happy, touched and elated. Was I really the same person who started out the evening totally flipped out and a complete wreck? I was floating on Cloud 9. There was absolutely, positively nothing that would bring me down from the high that I was on. That’s how amazing I felt.

That was until I came home.

Since Josh went back to school, I took up residence in his room. When I left the house earlier in the day, I locked his bedroom door and took the cheap, generic key that could be used to open any number of doors with me. When I returned home, Dick and Ashley were sound asleep. Standing outside my temporary sleeping quarters, with key in hand, I was shocked to see that the door was already opened.

So much for privacy!

While the door could easily be opened with a straightened paperclip, I didn’t think that Dick would be so brazen as to unlock the door and leave it wide open.

That cocky, arrogant jerk was sending me a message loud and clear that he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and no one was going to stop him…especially me.


My Birthday



Since Dick was not in Scottsdale like he had planned to be and because he had already taken off of work and wouldn’t be going to the office, not only was he home all morning, but he wouldn’t get out of bed.

This was going to be a problem.

I needed to take a shower and get dressed. One of my friends was taking me out to lunch and I had to meet her at noon. My bathroom was in my bedroom,  which Dick refused to vacate. We had been sharing the lavatory. When he felt like being cooperative, he’d leave the room so I could have privacy to bathe and dress.

However, on that particular morning, he made it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. I knew he was looking to start an argument. Before I answered him, the strangest image popped into my head. I saw myself dribbling a basketball at half court, watching the time run out on the clock.  At that moment I realized I was in control of the situation. I just needed to take my time and not react immediately.

So, instead of responding to him, which is what I knew he was hoping I would do, I started humming a medley of Jason Mraz’s songs while I gathered my towel, soap, shampoo, hair dryer, makeup and clothes. Appearing totally upbeat and jovial, I exited the room with a dance in my step and my belongings in my arms.

Being completely inconvenienced, on my birthday no less, I took a shower in my kids bathroom and dressed in Josh’s room. However, it was worth the hassle because I had the satisfaction of not letting Dick suck me into an argument with him. He was looking for a way to drag me down to his level and made sure he spoiled the anniversary of the day I was born. I didn’t let him. Not only was I getting older, I was getting a little wiser as well!

I was happy to leave that bitter, angry, pitiful man behind to marinate his thoughts in the poison he concocted.

I was also looking forward to starting my birthday celebration with a positive frame of mind.

One of my closest friends was taking me out to eat at Lovell’s of Lake Forest. This elegant restaurant in Lake Forest, Illinois, owned by James Lovell (the Apollo 13 astronaut) and his family has always been a great place to celebrate a special occasion. I was definitely ready to do that.

Lunch was wonderful. It was so nice to sit, relax, talk and enjoy a delicious meal as if I didn’t have a care in the world or a miserable man waiting to torment me when I got home. The hours passed by as if they were minutes. When we finally left the restaurant, it was time to start getting ready for dinner. That old saying really is true—”Time flies when you are having fun.”

I was getting into the birthday spirit so I decided to stop at the local grocery store and treat myself to a birthday cake. As I was checking out, I mentioned to the cashier that it was my birthday and I for the first time in my life, I had to buy myself my own cake. All of a sudden, she and her bagger assistant started singing me “Happy Birthday.” I was so touched. Complete strangers were doing everything in their power to make me feel special on my special day.

I took Ashley out for my birthday dinner to a cute little Italian restaurant. Of course, we ate too much and were completely stuffed. However, in honor of that special occasion, our waiter brought out the most amazing homemade cannolis. We couldn’t refuse them. It would have been rude! So we forced ourselves to indulge. Ashley encouraged me to make a wish before I blew out the candle. I must have sat there for several minutes with my eyes closed as I prayed for a long list of things I would have loved to come into my life .

After dinner, we went to the movie theater and saw Dear John. I’ve always been a sucker for a sappy love story. However, after watching that film, it just reinforced to me what I didn’t have in my life and how much I craved having a special guy to celebrate my special day with me.

When we came home, we were still filled to the brim from what we ate earlier. While we couldn’t stomach the thought of eating another morsel, Ashley put candles in my cake and sang me “Happy Birthday.” Once again I closed my eyes, stood there for way too long as the wax from the illuminated flames effortlessly dripped down onto the frosting, wished for everything that’s been missing from my life for far too long and blew out the candles in one swift breath. We put the cake back into the fridge, knowing that the next day it would be consumed and enjoyed.

All in all, it was a spectacular day. In addition to all the celebrating I did throughout the day, I was showered with phone calls, birthday cards, e mails and an outpouring of birthday wishes on Facebook.

It was the best birthday I had in a long, long time. I went to sleep happy, content and feeling very lucky to have so many caring, loving people in my life.

It seemed like my wishes were starting to come true.