The Battle Intensifies…Backup Is Called For Active Duty


With the kids back in school, I was looking forward to things settling down for awhile so I could catch my breath and recharge my batteries.

Who was I kidding!

What do they say about there being no rest for the weary? Actually I probably just made that up because I am so wiped out and I can’t enjoy any downtime or think straight anymore.

The longer this divorce process drags on, the greater the toll it is taking on me.

It sure would nice if I could get away for mini-vacations every few weeks just like Dick and Juanita are doing. Why does he always have all the fun and get away with everything in the process.  It’s so unfair!

I guess there are some questions in life I won’t have answered. At this point, I’m hoping that at the end of this journey, I’ll find my rainbow with its pot of gold waiting for me.

I told you that I’m not thinking clearly anymore.

No sooner did I take a slight breather from all the shenanigans that transpired in our home over winter break, when I was hit with another bomb shell.

Not long after I filed for divorce, my attorney told me that I should seek sole custody of Ashley. The reason being because  Dick is such a control freak, he doesn’t talk to me, show me any respect or feel that he has to discuss anything with me. Under these circumstances, my lawyer feels that it would be impossible for Dick and me to make any joint decisions about Ashley, even though we are only talking about a little more than two years that this arrangement would be in effect.

Of course, as can be expected, Dick wants joint custody.

Both of our attorneys had a status meeting with the judge after the first of the year and the court ruled that Dick and I should see a mediator to determine if we can come to some workable agreement.

When Dick heard this, he blew a gasket.

Immediately, without my knowledge, he had a private discussion with Ashley about the court order.

A few nights later, he called Ashley and me into the kitchen and announced there was something he needed to tell me. Ashley said she wanted to leave the room. Dick adamantly refused. He ordered  her to stay put to listen to what he was going to say. He then proceeded to inform me that over the weekend he told Ashley about my plan for sole custody. They both agreed that they want joint custody. Dick continued by saying that if Ashley is asked what she wants, that is what she will say. Therefore, there is no way I will ever get sole custody. He proceeded on that he is her father, he will make decisions about her future and he will see her whenever he wants. I will not keep him from doing that.

On a roll at that point, he stated that the judge was appalled by what I am trying to do, especially since there is only a little over two years that we are talking about.

Building up steam, he blamed me for dragging on this divorce. Furthermore, he accused me of bringing in an additional attorney, ranting that instead of two lawyers, we now have three. (For the record we have two attorneys and one mediator.) Yelling at the top of his lungs, he roared, “I promise you will not get sole custody. Just wait until you see what HAPPENS to you and what you will be left with when this divorce is over.”

I was livid. I told Dick that he had absolutely no business discussing any of this with Ashley. She is not part of the decision-making process and doesn’t need to hear, concern herself or worry about this matter. I then told Ashley that custody only has to do with making decisions and I would never  do anything to keep her and her dad from seeing each other.

The tension level rose as did our voices and our tempers.

Ashley started crying and shaking. She threatened to leave the house. At that point, Dick turned to her and said, “This is all your mother’s fault. This is the kind of mom you have. Do you see what she is doing to you?”

Ashley ran into her room, shut the door and proceeded to sob loudly and uncontrollably.

Needing to get away from Dick and his hateful and hurtful tirade, I mindlessly made my way into the family room and turned on the television for a little diversion.(Not that I had any clue what was on.)

Dick followed me and made it clear he was not through with me yet. There was much more that he had to talk to me about.

He went on to explain that he had a copy of the court order and he had read it over very carefully several times. He informed me that both parties (him and I) have to split the cost of the mediator. He even called his attorney (what a shock!!) and verified that we each have to pay for our share. He further claimed that his lawyer told him he should take my share out of the money that he is supposed to give me for my expenses, leaving me with half the amount I am entitled to.

I listened to him and simply responded that I will be calling my counsel in the morning.

Feeling that he got everything out of his system, he finally shut up and left the room.

Thank goodness.




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