Several years ago, Hillary Rodham Clinton popularized the phrase…It takes a village to raise a child.
I believe it also takes a village to get through the divorce process.
This is something one should never attempt to tackle alone. In addition to keeping up with all the nuances of daily life, the amount of stress, life-changing information to take in, act on and adapt to and the emotional roller coaster you’ve been thrown on, (that would without a doubt rival any E ticket ride at Disney) is downright overwhelming, exhausting and oftentimes absolutely unbearable.
While you don’t want to go through a divorce by yourself, the key is to find the right “support team” to be there for you every step of the way.
Speaking from experience, when life gets this out of whack, the best way to get through the crisis is to rely only on people who have your best interest at heart. If not, then in addition to what you were originally dealing with, you’ll also have to contend with these other individuals’ personal agendas, which oftentimes are not in sync with yours.
Ultimately this only complicates matters and makes what you were initially coping with seem mild in comparison.
Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. Learn from my mistakes and your life will be so much easier and happier.
How will you know who to trust?
It’s actually quite simple. Everyone shows you their true colors when things are great in your life and likewise when things absolutely suck.
This is when you discover quickly who your real friends are. Just to clarify, true pals are happy when things go well for you and are sad when things go bad. As hard as it is to believe, some have this concept completely screwed up. For whatever reason, they are upset when you are on top of the world and are joyous when you are suffering. Make no mistake about it, no matter what they might say or do to convince you otherwise, these are not your allies. They are your enemies.
Many times they come disguised as friends and relatives. Sadly, it happens a lot. It also hurts a lot. I can’t think of too many things that are more painful than being betrayed and back stabbed by so-called loved ones. Having them contaminate your life with their anger, jealousy and hatred when what you need is kindness, understanding and compassion is wrong, unnecessary and damaging. As hard as this might sound, what’s not good gotta go!
Instead, focus on who and what is right in your life. As best as possible, ignore the negative. Otherwise, you waste all your energy being upset with those who are trying to make your life miserable instead of appreciating all the wonderful souls who truly care and want to see you thrive. It’s a no-win situation.
Believe me, right now there are a few “bad apples” who are doing everything in their power to make me feel even worse than I already do. Being completely riled up by their inexcusable behavior, I had to say to myself, Are you going to let a few cads who have no brains, common sense or hearts get to you…or are you going to concentrate on and appreciate the multitude of life savers who have come forward to help and support you?
When I thought about it that way, the answer was easy. I’m very lucky that I’ve been truly blessed with an amazing group of human angels. They always say and do the right things and magically appear just when I need them the most with a phone call, e-mail or invitation to get together. There’s no other way to explain it except to believe they are heaven-sent.
At this point I need to acknowledge all my friends and relatives who make sure I stay strong, focused and positive and give me the will to carry on even though I would much rather quit playing the game, walk away from the table and cash in my chips. When the time is right, I’ll thank each and every one of you in a special way. For now, know that you are the wind beneath my wings and because of all of your support, friendship, encouragement, advice, concern and love, I will find my direction, gain momentum and speed and eventually soar.
I’ve saved a few of your words of wisdom that I read and reread over and over again when this journey I am on becomes too long, too draining and too depressing.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Just stick with it. Tell yourself that the worst part will be over soon…if you could live with him all these years, you can manage to hold out until you are through with him. Tell yourself that you have to do this to be happy for the first time in a long time. Tell yourself that you have to do this for your kids. Tell yourself that you have to do this to keep your sanity.
This is from an e-card I received:
It’s called a “leap of faith” Because there is strength…in daring to take the leap and the faith happens…just before you realize that you’ve begun to fly. Believe in your strength and your power. I do. Believe in yourself.
Because you all believe, I now believe too. Because you all have confidence in me, I now am confident too. Because you all have faith in me, I have faith that everything will turn out fine and I will be okay. I know it will happen because you are here with me every step of the way making sure that I don’t falter, change direction and that I will ultimately reach my destination safe and sound.
My angels, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!