The Plot Thickens


If you wait long enough, sometimes you get lucky and things start to reveal themselves.

Or as Forest Gump classically said in the movie by the same name, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

A few weeks after Dick threatened me to quit dragging out the divorce or I would see what would be left after the smoke cleared, a very interesting thing happened. Or should I say another interesting thing happened.

Yes… there really never is a dull moment in our home anymore!

Dick is a known gadget junkie. He’s like a little boy who always has to have a new toy to make himself happy. Having a Blackberry (which was very popular back then) wasn’t good enough for him. He needed the latest technology …the new phone that was hyped up for months and months as being far superior to the Blackberry. Needless to say, Dick was one of the first to purchase it.

Since we are now separated but still living in the same house, Dick decided that he didn’t need to share the news about his latest acquisition with me. As he frequently reminds me…”We are getting a divorce. I don’t have to tell you anything anymore.”

However, one night, while I was in the bathroom in my bedroom (that Dick has now taken over since I moved into Josh’s room), I heard a very strange noise. I couldn’t figure out what it was. As it continued, I followed the sound to Dick’s new phone which was charging up on his nightstand. I guess the phone wanted to make its presence known to me.

There was a call coming in. I looked at the name and almost fainted. It was the woman who I suspected was involved with Dick for quite some time. After doing my research on her a few months back, I discovered she resides on the west coast, is a medical professional with a   lucrative practice, is divorced and lives in a very affluent neighborhood. On the surface, she had everything Dick looks for in a woman…MONEY!!! What surprised me about her was her religious background and her nationality.

Oh well…I guess you can’t have everything in a relationship. At this stage of the game, what matters most to Dick is that they are compatible in the most meaningful way…she is financially well off and can support him in the lifestyle he’d love to become accustomed to.

A few hours later I went down to the basement to put a load of clothes in the dryer. I noticed that Dick was down there, sitting on the couch, watching television and talking   on his new cell phone.

Quietly and in a pleasing tone of voice (one I haven’t heard since we were dating) he was telling someone about the high school Ashley goes to and how well they prepare the kids for college. I thought to myself, He better not be discussing MY daughter with THAT woman.

When he realized that I was in the room, he quickly scurried himself back up to his bedroom, locked the door and continued his conversation there in a hushed tone.

His secretive, sneaky, rodent-like actions catapulted my healthy overactive imagination into high gear. Under normal circumstances, it puts in occasional overtime. With things the way they currently are, it’s working 24/7. Although, can you really blame me?

Gosh darn it, my instincts were right on the money. At one o’clock in the morning, I was woken out of a sound sleep by the home phone ringing. I don’t remember where I first learned this from, but it’s common knowledge that any call after 10:00 pm is bad news. In some households the cut-off time for good news ends even earlier…around 9:30 ish . Any call after this time is either because a death, illness or other catastrophe occurred…which for whatever reason always happens after the cut off time.

At this late hour, I knew something was majorly wrong. After losing my father last year and with mom’s health iffy, I was preparing myself for the worst.

I jumped out of bed, raced over to Josh’s desk where the phone was and nervously glanced at the name on the caller ID before answering the call. I was mortified by what I read. It was HER last name. I let the phone ring a few more times to see if Dick would pick it up.

He didn’t…so I did.

I said, “Hello.” There was no answer but I could hear people speaking the foreign language I learned in grammar school and high school in the background. Angry at myself for not comprehending more of what I heard…after all this IS the second unofficial language in the United States…I strained to make sense of what was being said. Not making heads or tails of the background discussion, I decided to focus on the person who initiated the call in the first place.

“Hello…Hello…Hello,” I repeated a number of times without a response.  Maybe it would have been more productive if I said, “Hola…Hola…Hola.” Not getting any answer, I finally hung up. Quickly I wrote down the phone number and made my way to where Dick was sleeping.

As I entered the room, I caught him putting our bedroom phone back in the cradle and attempting to get back into bed.

Nailed that scumbag!!!

“Does this name look familiar to you,” I said as I advanced rapidly toward him displaying the lit up caller ID close to his face. He looked at it and nonchalantly  replied, “No.” “Stop lying to me,” I responded. Referring to her by her first name, even though only her last name appeared on the phone, I continued, “I know you are lying because Juanita called you on your cell phone earlier tonight. How stupid are you to give out our home phone number to this woman and how stupid is she to call our home, especially so late at night”

He didn’t answer me. Instead, he turned away from me and wouldn’t say a single word.

It’s worth repeating…Stupid is as stupid does.


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