Part II: What ‘s Cooking? Nothing Anymore…The Flame Died
After Dick refused to change his sheets, I nervously waited for the day he got paid to see if he would continue to give me “my allowance” or instead cut off my cash supply.
Thankfully, he “showed me the money.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. As much as he ranted and raved, my world didn’t fall apart. I challenged him and again I took control over the situation.
It was becoming crystal clear that since I filed for divorce and my home life was now being exposed to our attorneys, judges and the court system, Dick was gradually losing his abusive, controlling grip over me.
He didn’t like it one bit and was doing everything in his power to keep me submissive to him. However, as much as my husband threatened, yelled and belittled me, he now had to account for his actions to a higher power (so to speak).
Finally the tide was starting to turn in my direction. It was such a relief to talk about what I lived with on a daily basis, be listened to, acknowledged and told this was wrong and I would get the help I needed to get out of this mess and have a life of my own.
For the first time in a long time I felt validated. For the first time in a long time I felt hope. For the first time in a long time I felt that the future was mine to live the way I wanted and not what everyone else expected from me. For the first time in a long time I felt that I would finally be free.
It was time to take another step forward.
While all these positive feelings were starting to emerge, they still couldn’t hold a candle to the almighty, powerful fear that still tightly gripped my spirit.
But I knew at this point there was no going back. I had to face my demons in order to slay them and be rid of them once and for all.
Unfortunately I was getting totally burnt out from the non-stop stress I was under. How I wished I could have put a pause button on my life so I could take a break…a breather to recharge, refresh and reward myself for how far I’ve come in such a short time. Regrettably, it was not going to happen. Life was moving at a faster and faster pace. I still had so much more to deal with, challenge and fight for.
So, less than a week since I stopped changing Dick’s sheets, I decided to hit him with another whammy. It was time to stop preparing his meals.
This was a tougher call than the bed issue. I didn’t know how he would carry on in front of Ashley and how she would react to this new change in the status quo.
True to form, the first night I set the table for two instead of three and made enough food for just “the girls,” the baby (my husband) threw a major tantrum. It was actually quite pitiful to watch a grown man act like a toddler. Boy did he carry on. Fuming and yelling, he made quite the scene at the kitchen table.
“Did you make me dinner tonight?” Dick vehemently questioned me as Ashley and I ate our food.
“No,” I answered, knowing that while I was chewing my food was probably not the best time to be having this conversation with him. Trembling internally, I was convinced I was becoming the first human Cuisinart. Unfortunately, instead of creating some delectible cuisine, the contents of my stomach were rapidly churning into something that was not going to be visually pleasing, appetizing or mouth-watering.
Suddenly the thought of eating was no longer appealing.
“Let me get this straight,” continued Dick. “You are only making dinner for the two of you and not for me.”
This guy is definitely swift. You can’t put anything past him.
“That’s right,” I answered.
“If that’s the way you are going to do things, just wait and see what’s going to happen to you,” he admonished me.
“Whatever,” I managed to reply.
You’d think I ‘d be used to his non-stop bullying by now. Even after all these years, he still knew how to goad me. Even worse, I still fell for his bait.
In the long run, not preparing meals for Dick anymore didn’t bear too much weight. Over the past few years, he ate out more often than not and rarely joined us as a family for dinner. But when he was home, he expected to be served his food when he was ready to eat.
This was a guy who knew how to have his cake and eat it too.